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Idle Thoughts
How I really feel
There's no restart. Just gotta start where I am. It's in my power to make things right and nobody else's. I've never been good at the care and nurturing of relationships and they both know that about me; however, I also know negative thinking like that is detrimental to my further, positive development. The real question is who do I want to be? What are my beliefs? What things do I want to set in motion in my life that are positive actions? I need to think about these steps and I need to think about how my actions affect others. I'm not a singular in any way. My entire existence is tied into dualities and triads. When theses things were in the back of my mind, my life started going in a positive direction. When I got comfortable with my existence and stopped delving into my inner thoughts, things began to spiral out of control. There is a balance between evaluating how one is going to reply and psycho-analyzing something to utter insipidity. I tend to the latter. Yet, I was happiest in my life when I sought change and went face-to-face with previous struggles, both mine and my brother's. I wanna get back to that place, but with both of my brothers. I am fulfilling my base fear I had when my middle brother came here: I wouldn't be able to handle them both. Wouldn't be able to support them as necessary. And so far, I've made this situation come true. But it doesn't have to be.

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