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Idle Thoughts
How I really feel
There's no restart. Just gotta start where I am. It's in my power to make things right and nobody else's. I've never been good at the care and nurturing of relationships and they both know that about me; however, I also know negative thinking like that is detrimental to my further, positive development. The real question is who do I want to be? What are my beliefs? What things do I want to set in motion in my life that are positive actions? I need to think about these steps and I need to think about how my actions affect others. I'm not a singular in any way. My entire existence is tied into dualities and triads. When theses things were in the back of my mind, my life started going in a positive direction. When I got comfortable with my existence and stopped delving into my inner thoughts, things began to spiral out of control. There is a balance between evaluating how one is going to reply and psycho-analyzing something to utter insipidity. I tend to the latter. Yet, I was happiest in my life when I sought change and went face-to-face with previous struggles, both mine and my brother's. I wanna get back to that place, but with both of my brothers. I am fulfilling my base fear I had when my middle brother came here: I wouldn't be able to handle them both. Wouldn't be able to support them as necessary. And so far, I've made this situation come true. But it doesn't have to be.

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I'm confused....

IM me later please.... I'm not going to be home tonight. Got hijacked for halloween by all sides (family, friends) but tomorrow evening maybe? My screen name is ladybugles81 on yahoo, on windows, and ladybugles81 on AIM.

I know we haven't talked much, but you've got me confused.

The beliefs thing is really important. My breathworker had me examine mine at the start. They define your perameters. The broader the better.

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