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Writer's Block: Mark my words
How I really feel
What gives your life special meaning and purpose? Do you think it's important to leave a lasting mark on the world? If so, what form do you think this will take?

My brothers. I think they're the reason I'm here at all. Without them, I don't know what I would be doing with my life. Being without them right now is giving me time to think about myself and what I want and who I want to be. I still want to help others. Maybe I'll be doing that alone. If that's the way my life is going to be, I'll accept that. In order to survive in life, you have to be able to accept the changes that happen. If not, you're pretty fucked.

The mark people leave on the world is different for everyone. I am a strong believer in leaving the world better than before you got here. That doesn't mean change it into the way you think is best for the world, however. The way people think is best isn't always best. They work from narrow-minded agendas. They get so focused on what is in front of them that they don't see what else is happening. They forget about what other people are trying to do.

It's cliche, but being the best you can be and being true to yourself really works best for everyone. People naturally work well with one another when they're in this mindspace.

Hello, 2010.
Brother Angels
I'm very optimistic about this new year. I am getting the sense that 2010 is gonna be more promising than 2009 was. 2009 was not a bad year, but there were more uncomfortable and bad moments during 2009 than I prefer. Our futures are what we make of them. I'm making an effort to maintain a positive attitude. Maybe I can make it something that comes naturally.

By Way of lightning_hound
Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile" and I will respond by asking you five questions that satisfy my curiosity. Update your journal with the answers to the questions, including this in the post.

What's your favorite cartoon, past or present?

You're assuming that I even watch cartoons. When I was a kid, I liked both Schoohouse Rock and Alvin and the Chipmunks. I don't watch anything now.

Favorite national park and why?

Yosemite. For that waterfall and it's kind of my brothers and my park. One of the most serene places I have ever been to.

Favorite flavor of jelly bean?


What would you do with a piece of glass that had killed you? *snicker*

Probably not put it under my pillow. I'd stare at it for a while and then either throw it away or, if I wanted to keep it as a reminder, stuff it in a drawer.

Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate?

Depends on the day. I Love all three.

Quote I Read Earlier Today
How I really feel
This really stood out to me from the book we've been reading. What do you think?

“There is only one absolute Truth, and all other truths emanate from it. When you find that Truth, your actions will be in alignment with it. Human action can reflect the Truth, or it can reflect illusion. Can the Truth be put into words? Yes, but the words are, of course, not it. They only point to it.

The Truth is inseparable from who you are. Yes, you are the Truth. If you look for it elsewhere, you will be deceived every time. The very Being that you are is Truth. Jesus tried to convey that when he said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.” These words uttered by Jesus are one of the most powerful and direct pointers to the Truth, if understood correctly. If misinterpreted, however, they become a great obstacle. Jesus speaks of the innermost I Am, the essence identity of every man and woman, every life-form, in fact. He speaks of the life that you are. Some Christian mystics have called it the Christ within; Buddhists call it your Buddha nature; for Hindus, it is Atman, the indwelling God. When you are in touch with that dimension within yourself—and being in touch with it is your natural state, not some miraculous achievement—all your actions and relationships will reflect the oneness with all life that you sense deep within. This is love. Laws, commandments, rules, and regulations are necessary for those who are cut off from who they are, the Truth within. They prevent the worst excesses of the ego, and often they don'[t even do that. “Love and do what you will,” said St. Augustine. Words cannot get much closer to the Truth than that.” – 71-72, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

Brother Angels
This is such a special time and day. It is the day of new beginnings, of transformations. The doorway is open and it is your choice to go in or not.

I feel like we've already crossed that threshold. I am seeing so many possibilities now. Even if there are some times where we yo-yo, we ultimately are on the rise. I think the fluctuating is normal as we find our balance. It's exciting, though, to always be on the rise, to be heading through life in positive thinking, and positive actions that are of our own making. I've never been this grateful about my life, the people in it, and existence. Everything is amazing. It's surprisingly not as difficult as I had previously imagined it. In fact, things happen when I'm not worrying. When I'm just experiencing. Events don't need me to watch them so closely. Just be. I need to remember this when I get entrenched by worry. It's been some time since I've felt that. Imagining myself in other people's shoes is what my brother told me to try. My brothers are generally more wise than me. This has always been true. I'm grateful for them and for them letting me be in their lives.

Symptoms of Inner Peace
How I really feel
A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than acting on fears attached to past experience

An unmistakable ability to enjoy the moment

A loss of interest in judging other people

A loss of interest in judging self

A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others

An inability to worry (this is a very serious symptom!)

Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation

Frequent acts of smiling

An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen

An increased susceptibility to the Love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it


Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many already have been exposed and it is possible that people, everywhere, could come down with it in epidemic proportions. This could pose a serious threat to what, up to now, has been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

If you have some or all of the above symptoms, be advised that your condition of inner peace may be too far advanced to be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.

~© 1984 Saskia Davis, SymptomsofInnerPeace.net

Things I Fucking Hate:
How I really feel
Full Moons because the last three or four months where things went wrong, it was always during a full moon. I wonder if the other times things went wrong happened during full moons too.

Mondays bad things always happen on Mondays

Ready for the day to end. Hopefully Tuesday is better.

Idle Thoughts
How I really feel
There's no restart. Just gotta start where I am. It's in my power to make things right and nobody else's. I've never been good at the care and nurturing of relationships and they both know that about me; however, I also know negative thinking like that is detrimental to my further, positive development. The real question is who do I want to be? What are my beliefs? What things do I want to set in motion in my life that are positive actions? I need to think about these steps and I need to think about how my actions affect others. I'm not a singular in any way. My entire existence is tied into dualities and triads. When theses things were in the back of my mind, my life started going in a positive direction. When I got comfortable with my existence and stopped delving into my inner thoughts, things began to spiral out of control. There is a balance between evaluating how one is going to reply and psycho-analyzing something to utter insipidity. I tend to the latter. Yet, I was happiest in my life when I sought change and went face-to-face with previous struggles, both mine and my brother's. I wanna get back to that place, but with both of my brothers. I am fulfilling my base fear I had when my middle brother came here: I wouldn't be able to handle them both. Wouldn't be able to support them as necessary. And so far, I've made this situation come true. But it doesn't have to be.

Quote by Anon
How I really feel
I Am What I Choose to Become. I Am Evolving.

Something I Just Noticed
How I really feel
In trying to find others like my brothers and me, I came across a post where someone mentioned 12/21/2012. That's the day where the Mayan calendar ends, right? Mun's started looking at numerology and this is what I just realized:

If you add 1+2+2+1+2+0+1+2 you have 11
If you add 12+21+2012, making 2045, and adding 2+0+4+5 you also have 11

Reading a little more, I see that people are saying that the event will happen at 11:11GMT.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at here.

Or how that ties to us, if it does. Or the fact that there are many of us around with Biblical names. I don't have enough information yet to make any kind of hypothesis. Only have observations. But I feel like I should put them down here anyway.